I live in a space that looks like a tornado casually passed by. There are books half-flipped open on my desk, pencils scattered under the bed, paper scraps that were once part of “the final submission” now chilling on the floor, and let’s not even talk about my wardrobe. Socks and shirts have been playing hide-and-seek for weeks. And yet, I’m okay with it. I sit in the middle of this creative jumble, sipping my cold coffee, and convincing myself it’s all part of my life.”

But here’s the twist. While my room can be a disaster zone, and I can tolerate (or even enjoy) the chaos in my environment, but I can’t handle a single misstep. A missed deadline, a tough critique, or even an unanswered text can send me into full panic mode. Isn’t it funny?

I guess what I’m trying to say is: I live a disorganised aesthetic, but I crave a structured situation. Being in design college doesn’t help. My days are packed with 8:30 am classes that I barely manage to crawl into, all-nighters with caffeine-fueled group chats and submissions that seem to have multiplied overnight. It’s pressure, nonstop. And in the midst of this, the last thing I care about is keeping clean or folding my clothes. Why would I? I’ve got bigger things to stress about.

My brain doesn’t forgive me for even the tiniest emotional clutter. One awkward conversation, one misunderstood text, one plan that doesn’t go the way I expected and suddenly it’s like I can’t think. It hits me like a truck. My head, which works like clockwork, when I’m juggling with work and caffeine overdoses, suddenly forgets how to function. And all I can do is lie in bed and overthink everything.

I remember a day of last semester’s mid Jury; I’d been working on a project for two weeks. I was sure it was my best yet. But in class, it didn’t go the way I expected. It wasn’t even bad, just… not the praise I had built up. That one moment made me feel shattered. I went back, saw the same mess that had been there all week, and for the first time, it bothered me. Because it reflected what was happening. It’s like when the mind is calm, we don’t get bothered by the outer things. But the moment it feels even slightly unhinged, suddenly the outside things feel unbearable too.

So, what do we do?

I don’t have it all figured out, but I’ve learned to be a little gentler with myself. Some days I do try to clean up, not just my area, but my mental space too. A quick journal entry, a playlist that makes me enjoy, a break from the screen, or even a walk just to see a world that exists beyond my assignments. Other days, I accept it.

So yes, my appearance might not be the best. You might walk into my happy place and think I’ve lost control. But inside, I’m constantly trying to keep things together. And maybe that’s what matters. Not whether my socks match or my area is clean, but whether I’m learning to navigate the chaos of life with a little more kindness, patience, and grace.